Sitting here in tears, snot running out my nose, absolutely helpless. I’ve finally composed myself, but each time I start to type this blog post, I want to just cry again. Today I read the story of Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14 year old boy who killed himself because of being bullied at school and online (See the story here). Jamey was a gay or bisexual teenager, who only had girl friends and no male friends and really tried to be strong against the bullying that came with being a gay teenager. He even posted a video on youtube called “It gets better, I promise!”:
8 days into a high school year, Jamey’s younger sister came into his room and found him dead – he had taken his life. I feel so sick and disgusted and upset and so god damn fucking angry that somebody would be bullied so much that suicide becomes a better way out, or an escape. I want those bullies heads on a fucking plate, not that it would solve a thing. There are many reasons why people die, but when somebody dies because they just can’t take being called a ‘faggot’ one more time and they just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, that breaks every piece of my fucking heart and spirit.
It does get better, eventually. I went through school being bullied, beaten, sworn at, excluded and threatened daily. Many times had I considered suicide as a better option than life. I had noone to talk to, my family didn’t (or couldn’t) understand and I couldn’t trust any of my friends really. I cried nearly everynight – I’d sit in my room and listen to Celine Dion or Shania Twain, that was my escape from reality, which was hell. I honestly couldn’t understand why god would make such a mistake.
Now, at 23, I know god does not make mistakes and he loves me and he loves you and he loves Jamey Rodemeyer, who is definitely in heaven now. People are just cruel, they can be cunts and I don’t have any idea why they chose to be that way. Maybe they don’t and are cursed somehow to end up as scum. Some people wonder why I hate high school or the places I grew up so much – this is why. If you a little bit a different in this world, there are people who will make you feel like shit, but you are worth so much more. Nobody is worthless and when you grow up and if you act in a way that is respectful and kind to others, you will be rewarded in this life and the next. The people who tease you, are mean to you, hurt you, abuse you, beat you and threaten will never be even 1% of the person you are and they may never change, but do not for a moment believe their views to be the truth because you are perfect as god or nature or science made you.
I can’t say anymore right now, but I really do pray for a better world everyday, just like Jamey did. Gays do not go to hell, but people who bully and cause teenage suicides go to hell, which is perhaps where they belong. In heaven, the last shall be first.